My Mother Gave Birth to Me Without Painkillers
By Ruby Liu
My mother gave birth to me without painkillers. She wanted to feel everything—
the doctors ripping me out of her, my grand entrance into the world. I hold her hand in the hospital waiting room & all I can think about are painkillers—how many I want, how I wish I could be one for her. I’m not religious, but last night, I wove my fingers together like a safety net and rested my head on my fists. I promised every God a little bit of everything—Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Ganesh. I auction off every part of myself. I swear, I’ll be good, just please—
My mother told me that birth control was no match for me. She had been on two types when I was conceived. But as soon as I hit her soil, I could not stop growing. This is what I am afraid of. That she is too fertile. Too nurturing. That the seeds that found their way to her brain will also not stop growing. 2 inch masses. Let her feel nothing when the doctors try to rip them out of her
Ruby Liu is a writer and start-up analyst who lives in the Pacific Northwest. She enjoys dim sum, coffee, and the ocean. In her spare time, she often takes nature walks in the mountains and reads. Her work has been featured before with Peaceful Dumpling and Scholastic Art & Writing.